Mouse Wars: Amazon Mousetrap Reviews as Literature

I have looked at various mouse traps on Amazon. The reviews there are a tremendous source of information. Folks get passionate about their battles with the little rodents who invade and foul their homes. Some reviews soar to literary heights. Here is a user who pours out his despair over being bested by a mouse:

Earthlings Beware!!!! The Toughest Mouse in the World Still Lives: You Could Be NEXT!!!!!!!

Reviewed in the United States on June 30, 2020

These traps were incredibly easy to used and bait. However, I bought these traps To prevent my pets or children from getting injured and to spare my wife from picking up the dead mouse if I wasn’t home. In theory it was the perfect conceptualized mouse trap for a busy house. When this trap arrived I was ready to declare war on the invaders. I put on my camo gear, covered my face with camo paint took some peanut butter out of the cabinet and baited this rodent killing machine. I turned the switch to “set” and tucked it in a spot where I saw mouse droppings. Then I shut off all the lights, Turned on my night vision goggles and waited. Nothing happened, that fury bastard beat me, but I was determined to win the war. I repeated the process the second night only this time I used popcorn to make a trail to the plastic rodent guillotine. I set the trap and went to bed. By dawn I woke up like a child on Christmas, went running down the stairs and to the trap. Boom! The indicator on the side said mouse caught! The pride of winning this battle washed over me. I had defended my castle against an fierce enemy . But wait, why is the trap so light? Surely if a dead mouse was in here I would have been able to feel the weight difference of such a light and sleekly designed trap. I rotated the device in my hand to peer inside of the killing machine. There I stood, with all the pride draining from my short lived victory. The mouse had indeed been attracted to the trap, it followed the popcorn trail of happiness right inside of the devil’s mouth to feast on the peanut butter buffet set up inside. Once inside it tripped the killing mechanism as designed. But this mouse in my house was no ordinary mouse. He must have been a ninja mouse because he dodged the killing instrument likely with a three quarter lateral spin and landed on one hand. He proceeded to eat the peanut butter, then chew his way out of the trap to warn the other ninja mice. I was beaten, defeated by a mouse. I packed up my family and our belongings and moved to new house leaving our old house to the victor. At my new house though, we adopted 70 cats, and although we smell like a mixture of broken dreams and cat urine we never heard from the ninja warrior mouse or his friends again.

 Tomcat Kill & Contain Mouse Trap, 2 Traps  , review by “Brain“

Here is gangsta-style epic, ending in a bitter-sweet victory:

I was like enough is enough with this guy

Reviewed in the United States on February 3, 2017

Yo so this mofo mouse was all up in my business. Raiding my pantry and leaving his poop marks and spraying his tags all over my containers. I was like enough is enough with this guy. He was raiding all times at night. 3 am, 6am, midnight didnt matter. Not to mention he ate all my christmas chocolate and was bragging about it. Leaving all the empty wrappers and shells in my face like “sucka!!”.

I called pest control. They plugged the holes and put out some poison traps. Still, the mofo was still finding food and getting into all my snacks. One time at 3am we had a battle with a broom. I slapped him but he kept on running under my oven. Dudes a bauce.

Finally, I bought these things. I give it 4 stars because the package was missing one trap. However, first night I slapped some Teddy’s PB (dosesnt get hard) on this thing and put it right by the wall. Woke up and BAM! I finally caught him.

Now my life feels whistless, my enemy is gone. But the traps worked like a charm!

Intruder 16000 The Better Mousetrap, Pack of 2    , review by nick mandonas

  *************************************************************

These are all snap-type traps. I know glue traps can work, but I don’t want to have a mouse struggling for hours and I don’t want to have to deal with live rodents stuck to a glueboard. I just ran across an electronic trap that appeals to my engineering side. This is the Victor M250S No Touch, No See Upgraded Indoor Electronic Mouse Trap:

..Advanced smart circuit technology senses when a mouse enters the tunnel, triggering the system to deliver a humane, high-voltage shock…

If I did not already have a set of traps that work well*, I would be tempted to try one of these high-tech wonders when we visit our relative who needs help with a major mouse problem. I’ll close with a couple of on-line raves for this trap:

Kills Any Disease Bearing Rodents …Dead. This Works.

Reviewed in the United States on June 16, 2018

You got a mouse or mice and don’t want it any longer? Stick one Apple Jack or one Froot Loop in the little bait cup of this thing & set it along a wall where you suspect the rodent is traveling. You will catch that mouse & a his friends within a week . Have them taxidermied into funny, human-like poses or just discard. Humanely stops thier heart with a smile on thier disease-filled mouth since thier final thought is ,” an AppleJack as big as my head; Oh, joy!!” before 2300milliamps of 13volt electricity terminates them like convicts in Ol’Sparky.

Great Mousetrap!

Reviewed in the United States on September 13, 2018

I don’t often write reviews but I was impressed enough with this product to do so. For the first time ever I had a mouse in my apartment and he was snackin’ on my tortilla chips. Now these aren’t Tostitos or any mass-market store-bought garbage like that. These are gorgeous beautiful tortilla chips homemade by a local tortilleria. They’re thick and crunchy and just the right amount of salty. I cannot have some mouse eating my beautiful tortilla chips. I will not. This aggression will not stand.

I didn’t want the old-school snap trap as that can be a bit messy. Didn’t want a glue trap as that’s just inhumane. I wanna kill the little guy so he stops eating my chips but I’m not trying to torture him. So I settled on an electric shock trap. Figure a quick zap and that’s it. Not the worst way to go.

So I bought one of these traps. Very easy to set up, put in your 4 AA batteries, put some bait in the trap (I used what I know he liked – a bit of a tortilla chip), close the lid, and turn it on.

⚡⚡ZAP BLAP ZAP ⚡⚡

Reviewed in the United States on May 20, 2018

I just received this and everything seemed to be in order.
set it up and BZZZZ BZZZZ I heard coming from my ceiling where I put it.

This thing just
⚡⚡ zapped ⚡⚡ the jahoozaphecs out of a mouse. WITHIN 1 HOUR.


Mice are gross….killing them is gross…er

Reviewed in Canada on June 4, 2019

I live in a barn house that no amount of steel wool can mouse proof. The cats are entitled jerks that expect to be fed but don’t actually solve any problems (we call them politicians). A friend told me to buy this trap and I am pleased with the outcome. Unfortunately, the mice in my home are extremely fat (probably cause they don’t need to work on any form of cardio as the cats are useless) so they get….stuck….in the trap. Emptying involves a great deal of vigorous shaking that results in an unknown trajectory of the mouse carcass. Aside from that, it’s as advertised.

In fairness, only 71% of reviews for this electronic trap were 4-5 stars;  some complaints on the 1-3 star reviews were that mice would not go in the trap, or that the trap did not kill them, or that clever mice nibbled a hole in the back wall of the trap, so they could eat the peanut butter without being exposed to the electrodes in the trap.

* I have had good success with the “Mouse Trap Mice Trap That Work Human Power Mouse Killer Mouse Catcher Quick Effective Sanitary 6 Pack” . Looking past the fact that this title, and the directions for the trap, were manifestly not written by a native English speaker, I can testify that these traps are effective and very easy to use. They are snap-traps, but the snapper has a 90 degree bend in it. This means (a) it is easy and safe to set the trap and (b) it is easy to dispose of the caught mouse without getting your fingers near it. You just squeeze the snapper to re-open it, and the deceased rodent falls out of the trap into the trash can or bushes.

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